Dentophobia

It's never too early to start planning who gets what for the holidays, and we're here to help. Whether you're buying for someone naughty or someone nice, The Advocate has found the right stuff. With this guide and your home computer (to check out our Web site), your list will be history before you can say "Turkey day."

* Music-minded gills, from CDs to concert tickets to aerobics tapes page 48 * Beautiful books every taste page 50 * Christopher Radko's elegant ornaments page 51 8 Great gay and lesbian independent movies on DVD page 52 * Collectible dolls, both sublime and ridiculous page 54 * "Gaymes," gadgest, and other gifties from the gorgeous to the goofy page 54 * Activism in rainbow-bright packages: the best of the gifts that give back to the community page 56 * Romantic notions for that every special someone page 58 * What lesbian and gay celebrities most want for their holidays page 59 * Where to get it: For places and Web sites to buy all these gifts, go to www.advocate.com

Boxed beauties

Joan Crawford, Dinah Shore, Diana Ross, Ani DiFranco, Queen Latifah, Sarah McLachlan, k.d. lang, Tod Amos, Patti Smith, Judy Garland, and more teach music herstory on Rhino's five-CD collection, R-E-S-P-E-C-T; A Century of Women In Music, Prefer Broadway to babes? Check out the six-CD The Best of Broadway series in the Wireless catalog.

CLASSICS FOR CHRISTMAS

Philips has raided the world's most beloved symphonies, concertos, and allegros for a new series, Set Your Life to Music, perfect for the guys or gals who want to add a little sophistication to their next dinner party, workout, or date, with such hands-on rifles as "Bach at Bedtime," "Puccini and Pasta," "Liszt for Lovers," "Debussy for Daydreaming," and "Mozart for Your Morning Workout." There are even a few holiday-themed titles like "Handel for the Holidays."

And for all the self-helpers on your list, pick up a CD in the Deutsche Grammophon Tune Your Brain series. This music claims to help listeners manage their mind, body, and mood. Choose from the likes of "Cleanse With Hoist," "Energize With Wagner," and "Heal With Schubert."

JOLLY JUKEBOX Be sure everyone on your shopping list has the best new tunes to toast in the year 2000, starting with fresh albums from the Pet Shop Boys [see page 85], Yaz (a "best of"), Boyzone, Indigo Girls, David Bowie, Paula Cole, and Melissa Etheridge (her Breakdown comes in CD, cassette, vinyl, and a limited-edition CD with three bonus tracks). Also scheduled this fall are new releases by Savage Garden and Ani DiFranco.

SILENT NIGHT, VIDEO NIGHT St. Nick, Drew, Jeff, and Justin of 98 Degrees want to warm up a white Christmas with their chart-topping behind-the-scenes home video Heat It Up--the perfect companion gift to their new holiday CD, This Christmas. Also guaranteed to make hunk lovers sweat is the new Grind Workout: Tai Funk Aerobics, with C Note punching, kicking, and singing their new single, "Spanish Fly." If your loved one prefers wigs and lip-licking to tank tops and sweat, there's always Cher: Live in Concert; the over-the-top-but-not-the-hill diva's HBO concert comes to VHS and DVD on November 16.

--Carrie Bell

Mistle-tunes

Music-minded gifts, from New Year's Eve with Bette to a wild women's boxed set

DIVA INTO THE NEW YEAR A trip to Las Vegas is a gift bound to get mistletoes

tapping, especially with Strip-lining New Year's Eve extravaganzas planned by the likes of Barbra Streisand and Bette Midler. As it's her first live performance in more than three years, Babs intends to fill the MGM Grand Garden with surprise guest stars--and tickets will run you $1,000 to $2,500.

Party favors come with the $95, $300, or $500 admission price to Bette Midler's Divine Miss Millennium Tour at the Mandalay Bay Events Center. As if that weren't enough reason to endure some fear and loathing, Elton John and Tina Turner will play the University of Nevada's Thomas and Mack Center on December 30. Also playing at the Mandalay Bay is Chicago: The Musical.

Paper views

Picture books are worth a thousand word--and worth a look-see for holiday gift fare

MALE OF THE SPECIES Photographs by Arthur Tress (FotoFactory, $60)

Veteran photographer Arthur Tress is on a roll, starting with this new book of photos celebrating the beauty of men in diverse settings. Stunning, surreal shots of boys and adolescents are offset by photos of men of all ages in a collection that ought to win Tress a wave of acclaim even before the major retrospective of his work scheduled for 2001 at Washington, D.C.'s Corcoran Gallery of Art.

THE POP-UP BOOK OF PHOBIAS Text, Gary Greenberg; pictures, Balvis Rubess, pop-ups, Matthew Reinhart (Rob Weisbach, $24.95)

Be afraid--be very afraid. These eye-poppingly creative paper sculptures will elicit laughter and groans from loved ones with everything from dentophobia (fear of dentists) to ophidiophobia (fear of snakes). Homophobia is not included, we're glad to say.

THE DRAG KING BOOK By Del LaGrace Volcano and Judith "Jack" Halberstam (Serpent's Tail, $25)

Don't know the difference between a Mack daddy and a butch lesbian? You'll be wiser after snooping into the lives of the several dozen gender outlaws depicted in Del LaGrace Volcano's glossy images and Judith "Jack" Halberstam's interviews and analyses. Enlightening and fun.

THE HOMOEROTIC ART OF PAVEL TCHELITCHEV, 1929-1939 By David Leddick (Elysium Press, $75)

David Leddick's gorgeous clothbound limited-edition volume (only 1,100 copies were printed) assembles the painter's erotic and long-overlooked oeuvre. Pavel Tchelitchev's passionate depiction of the male form belies the conservative era from which these images are drawn. Sexy.

PICTURES AND PASSIONS: A HISTORY OF HOMOSEXUALITY IN THE VISUAL ARTS By James M. Saslow (Viking, $39.95)

This richly illustrated survey moves from the dawn of time to the present, through Botticelli's mysteriously androgynous angels to America's sexy Dewar's ads, to demonstrate how queer imagery--in all manner of media--has been with us forever. James M. Saslow offers evidence of male homosexuality dating back to the Bronze Age and examples of lesbian imagery in paintings by Gustave Courbet and Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec.

SHY GIRL By Elizabeth Stark (Farrar, Straus, Giroux, $22)

This lovely first novel takes us inside the heart of Alta Corral, a body-piercing San Francisco motorcycle dyke whose toughness goes about a millimeter deep. Alta pines for her first love, the inconveniently heterosexual Shy; when Shy returns, pregnant, to care for her dying mother, the two young women begin the real process of knowing each other.

DANCING WITH CATS By Burton Silver and Heather Busch (Chronicle Books, $16.95)

If you know a lesbian who loves cats (What? You do?), don't make her go through the holidays without this feline find from writer Burton Silver and photographer Heather Busch. The color photos of pets that dance with their people are a hoot, the stories even more so.

--Robrt L. Pela, Anne Stockwell

Strictly ornamental

Meet ornament designer Christopher Radko, the star atop your Christmas tree

After being well-hung from queer evergreen branches coast to coast for more than 14 years, ornament king Christopher Radko now wants to slip underneath your tree with his new book, Christopher Radko's Ornaments (Clarkson Potter, $22.50).

The luxuriously illustrated hardback, with text by Olivia Bell Buehl, not only parades a breathtaking assortment of the artist's handblown "works of heart" but peppers its six chapters with historical and technical tidbits to regale the queer collector.

"Gays and lesbians have always been among the most loyal supporters of my work, whether they collect the ornaments or give them to their friends and loved ones," says Radko. "I'm really proud to be part of the celebrations that connect people, particularly in a community with its own tradition of supporting and caring about each other like family."

--Daniel Vaillancourt

Screen kisses

Lesbian and gay independent films on DVD make perfect stocking stuffers

BILLY'S HOLLYWOOD SCREEN KISS (Trimark)

The first major gay indie to hit DVD--and still on of the best--Billy's has become the perfect couch-potato gift in light of the TV success of its stars, Sean Hayes (Will & Grace) and Brad Rowe (Wasteland); includes a commentary track from dry-witted writer-director Tommy O'Haver. Another choice Trimark DVD: The ambitions and charming lesbian romance Better Than Chocolate (December 28).

These days videocassettes are the economy class of home movie-watching. For first-class service, you have to upgrade to DVD. (In this analogy laser discs are the dirigibles: classy but doomed.) The five-inch digital video disc offers higher-quality images, better sound, instant access to scenes, and the potential for both extra video features (trailers, making-of featurettes) and extra audio tracks that can be turned on and off. Herewith, our choices for the best queer indie titles on DVD.

BOYS LIFE 1 and 2 (Strand Releasing, in release)

The original and still the best anthologies of gay-male short films, including early work from directors Mark Christopher (54), Brian Sloan (I Think I Do), and others. With instant access to any of the rifles, friends can program their own minifesrival. Another choice Strand DVD: The lyrical, multi-award--winning French love triangle Wild Reeds (in release).

LILIES (Wolfe Video, in release)

Francophiles and hopeless romantics will thank you for this Quebecots masterpiece of star-crossed lovers, a poignant tale within a tale that won Canada's top film award; includes a French sound track. Another choice Wolfe DVD: The lighthearted romantic romp Broadway Damage (due in December); includes music-only sound track option.

PEACH (First Run, due November 9)

It's actually three gifts in one. Using the multititle option that DVDs offer, First Run has combined two cult-favorite shorts starring a pre-Xena Lucy Lawless (the lesbian-themed Peach and A Bitten' Song) along with Lavender Limelight, an unrelated hour-long documentary on lesbian filmmakers of the '90s. Another choice First Run DVD: Like It Is (in release), a grittier, messier Get Real, about a 21-year-old bare-knuckle boxer and his music promoter boyfriend; includes a brief making-of documentary.

POISON (Fox Lorber, due October 26)

One of the seminal films of the briefly touted New Queer Cinema wave of the early '90s, Poison is also sexy and fun, with three interwoven stow lines, including a steamy prison sequence. Director Todd Haynes (Velvet Goldmine), producer Christine Vachon (Boys Don't Cry), and actor-editor James Lyons join in for a running commentary track. Another choice Fox Lorber DVD: The sweet and offbeat transsexual romance Different for Girls (December 21).

TO PLAY OR TO DIE (Water Bearer, in release)

Surprise a foreign-film lover with this stylish, gripping 50-minute festival favorite about a Dutch boys' school misfit and his ill-fated crush on an athletic classmate. Other choice Water Bearer DVDs: The sizzlingly frank and gossipy documentary Sex Is ...; the groundbrealdng 1973 gay romance A Very Natural Thing (both in release).

--Bruce C. Steele

Guys and dolls

What's the perfect way to tell your gift getters they're living dolls? Take your pick from this batch of new and old mini-pals

For nearly three years Totem's vinyl party boy Billy, along with his boyfriend, Carlos, has sported a Village People--cum--Tom of Finland attitude, resulting in a myriad of perfectly sculpted little sailors, cowboys, policemen, firemen, baseball players, and wrestlers. This year Billy's and Carlos's colorful drag incarnations, Carmen and Dolly, have stiff competition from two amusingly low-rent drag-queen offerings. Barefoot and in the blowsiest shades of blond and brunet, the ladies come from Arsenic and Apple Pie, which also offers a female trailer-trash pal who comes complete with pork and tobacco.

Feeling less "now" and more vintage? Try eBay or retro stores such as as New York's Love Saves the Day to get your hands on the likes of Billy's classic predecessor, Gay Bob. Introduced in 1977, anatomically correct Gay Bob pioneered the gay-doll genre by selling out his first and only edition in a media blitz. Boxed in his own closet (from which he could be liberated), Bob was a generic G.I. Joe cloned into a '70s gay ideal. Though never realized, his wardrobe (depicted in a colorful little catalog) is a microcosm of that decade's sartorial conceits.

In mainstream circles, Hasbro's butch (if genitally challenged) G.I. Joe is arguably the first mass-produced uniform-fetish doll. And Mattel's fabulously fey Ken is considered by many adult collectors to be the first modern gay doll--although the toy company bristles at the mere playful suggestion. The perennial scapegoat of the male fashion-action doll world, Ken is as trendily consumer-conscious as his beard, Barbie. Don't agree? Check out 1992's eyebrow-raising Earring Magic Ken, which remains the most suggestive of his incarnations, featuring a lavender vinyl-and-mesh ensemble, replete with necklace.

Big Jim, a Mattel doll from the '70s, is also very popular with gay collectors. Accessorized with elaborate play sets and every type of hunky male friend, this multi jointed man with movie-star muscles led a macho theme-park existence worthy of a night at New York's S/M hangout the Lure.

--Beauregard Houston-Montgomery

THE RAZOR'S EDGE Go baldly where you've never been before with the HeadBlade, a scalp shaver expressly fitted to your palm. Very smooth for him--or her. ($15)

TEST YOUR QUEER QUOTIENT Spike the eggnog with ginkgo biloba and gauge your friends' homo IQ with the Rainbow Gayme, a board game that requires the same skills as Trivial Pursuit, charades, and Pictionary and tests knowledge of gay history, entertainment, and quotes. ($19.95)

HOT HOLOGRAMS With Face Factory, a computer program for Windows 95/98, you create, animate, and manipulate 3D images of your own or a loved one's head. Perfect for cyber-idolizing that new hottie in your tai chi class. All you need is two photos--one profile, one head-on--and you're off to the faces.

IT'S RAINING RAINBOWS Share your holiday pride with gear from Gay Wired's Rainbow Pride Shop online. Your pals will be cooking with gas in a rainbow apron with matching oven mitt and quilted potholder ($17.95), or gas up their autos with rainbow car mats ($22), antenna balls ($4.95), and hometown-specific PrideSticks ($2.95 each). Also check out 10% Productions' mugs and holiday cards for women and men ($14.95 per box, online).

THIS SHOE FITS Friends on your list who are gay all the way down to their toes will love these divinely detailed miniature shoe replicas from Just the Right Shoe. Pumps for the men, boots for the women; lipstick lesbians, you're on your own. ($15-$20, fine boutiques and online)

HEIGH-HO, SILVER! Invest in the future with MA2K's sterling silver Time in a Capsule pendant. Designed to be worn close to the heart or kept hidden for future discovery, each pendant comes with a blank scroll suitable for a short inscribed message and is packaged in an Ultrasuede pouch. The first 2,000 will be hand-numbered. For each piece sold, a contribution will be made to the Children's Defense Fund. ($79)

--Daniel Vaillancourt, Carrie Bell

St. Knickknacks

Gays and gadgets naturally go ether. Cutting-edge types that we are, we want to be first to own it, play it, give it, and, in the case of one of this year's products, shave with it. A selection of gifts to put a queer twist on your holiday

HEAD OF THE CLASS Don't know your cortex from your chakras? Test your limits with Cranium, a vivid board game that gets players to hum, whistle, sculpt, act, spell backward, and more. A perfect way to bring your dizzy side into alignment with your inner gay role model. ($34.95)

Higher presents

Fight AIDS and homophobia with holiday spirit when you buy cards and gifts form these organizations

DRAMATICALLY YOURS

Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS has a wide sampling of merchandise (by mail or online) for the theater queen in all of us. Not only can you get holiday decorations like handmade tree ornaments beaded by HIV-positive women in South Africa (ten for $15, at left) and an autographed set of a full season of Broadway Playbill programs ($650; $800 with Tony Awards Playbill), but you can also order CDs from theater's great divas (of both sexes).

WINNING CARDS Handsome holiday cards are for sale by the box from the American Foundation for AIDS Research, the San Francisco AIDS Foundation, and New York City's Gay Men's Health Crisis. AIDS Project Los Angeles features another twist: Your $10 donation buys you one card from a selection of designs created and contributed by celebrities, including Tom Hanks, Jennifer Aniston, and Kevin Bacon. Send the card to your loved ones to show you've made a donation in their name.

FONDLY FRAMED In the category of simple yet elegant, Los Angeles's Project Angel Food is offering a silver angel ornament for 1999, and the Names Project has mugs and photo frames at the ready.

A FAMILY AFFAIR Ultimately the holidays are all about belonging. In that spirit, Parents, Family, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays invites you to give a gift membership to someone you love. Gift packages go for $40 and, with the addition of an autographed book, $100.

ONE-STOP GIVING You get multiple points when you shop at Under One Roof, the San Francisco-based volunteer-nm store that donates 100% of its profits to 50 AIDS service organizations. The shop (which is also online) raised more than $100,000 in its first two months in its new Castro Street location. This year's highlights: a Teddy with Rainbow Balloons Polonaise ornament ($25, exclusively for the outlet), a Red Ribbon Rhinestone Pin ($45), and the Until There's a Cure bracelet ($375, 14-karat gold; $75, sterling silver).

-- Daniel Vaillancourt

Sweet somethings

Make your sugar smile with saucy body paint, cuddly blankets, playful creams and more

FEATHERING A NEST? Los Angeles artisan Gregory L. Wolfe creates rich, sensuous throws entirely woven and detailed by hand. Made from cotton chenille, rayon chenille, raw silk, and a melange of other fibers, these one-of-a-kind works of art are available in a kaleidoscope of designs that range from monochromatic schemes to the most outrageous color combos imaginable. Wolfe, an art therapist who served gay men and lesbians for more than a decade before pursuing his lifelong dream of becoming a self-supporting artist, thrives on special orders and delights in incorporating threads from bedspreads, drapes, and upholstery into commissioned pieces. As a bonus, through December 31 Wolfe will donate 10% of the price of each six-foot throw to the charity of the purchaser's choice. ($500-$1,000, online)

PAINT AND PANT Indulge in a little artfulness with the Body Frosting, a chocolate sauce you can spoon over ice cream or paint onto skin. Directions: (1) Light candles. (2) Open jar. (3) Offer paint brush (included). (4) Announce softly, "Dessert's on me." ($7, Under One Roof, San Francisco, and online)

WRAPPED UP Shower your partner with affection and a new set of his and his or hers and hers monogrammed towel sets from the Internet's Homo Depot ($29). Pair them with Blue Q's wild soaps, bubble bath, and hand and body creams offered under a variety of labels such as Dirty Girl, Tough Guy, Virgin/Slut, and Queen, the latter of which promises "a majestic bouquet for the queen in all of us." ($5-$18)

DIARY DEAREST The millennium edition of Philipp Keel's All About Me, the popular fill-in-the-blanks journal, will give those special someones insight into their deepest secrets, pet peeves, and strongest attributes. ($12, Broadway Books)

ONE SIZE FITS MOST Condom Collectibles offers the red-and-white candy-cane-striped Oooh Santa! pack ($12.95, online and in stores such as Condomania in West Hollywood, Calif.). And Condom Sense has a fine selection of gift baskets, including the Romantic Indulgence selection--which bundles a tantric massage book and video, massage oil, condoms, and candles--or the For Women Only number, replete with body pudding, sex toys, and an Anais Nin novel. ($35-$95, online)

SANTA CLAWS If the way to a lover's heart is through a pet, pick up a rainbow flag leash or collar. ($8-$10, Don't Panic! in West Hollywood and Rainbow World online)

MILLENNIUM MARRIAGE There's nothing more romantic than a gift that cherishes commitment, such as wedding-themed lapel pins or same-sex-union certificates that have been popular the last few years. Now Milano offers frames with images of two brides or two grooms carved along the top--a perfect setting for your ceremony portraits. ($10.95, Dorothy's Surrender, West Hollywood)

--Carrie Bell and Daniel Vaillancourt

RELATED ARTICLE: Wish list

11 celebrities tell us what they'd really like to unwrap this season, from Streisand tickets to Letterman's desk

DAN BUTLER actor

"What I want is for everyone to get out in the MArch 2000 primaries and vote."

FRANK DECARO humorist

"Two five-piece place settings of lilac Fiestaware, landmark status granted to the [famed New York City male strip joint] Gaiety theater, and a role on The Sopranos."

SCOTT THOMPSON actor

"Someone to do all the planning for New Year's Eve for me."

SUZANNE WESTENHOEFER comic

"A really great nude photograph of Martha Stewart and David Letterman's job. I think that's not asking too much."

KAREL talk radio host

"Tickets to the Streisand millennium concert."

GRETCHEN PALMER actress (she plays a bisexual in the upcoming film Trois)

"A healthy baby, Totally."

JASON STUART comic

"A husband who has a car and doesn't live in it."

MR. BLACKWELL clothes hound

"The greatest gift I could have is 50 more years with my partner, Spencer, so that I could give more than I took."

JIM FALL director (Trick)

"A ranch that I can put my Trick billboard on."

SEAN SASSER former Real World habitue

"A luxury vacation, preferably on an island. All expenses paid for me and my beautiful Frenchman."

DENNIS HENSLEY author and performance artist

"I want ABC to bring back Battle of the Network Stars because I want to see the cast of Will & Grace go head-to-head with the kids from Dawson's Creek in the obstacle course. And I want to see Sarah Michelle Gellar in a kayak."

--Anderson Jones

COPYRIGHT 1999 Liberation Publications, Inc.
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