Say Meyer syndrome

SOME PARENTS don't set out knowing they're going to do it.

After all, they've bought the crib. They've set up the baby monitor. They've spelled out their child's name in big block Pottery Barn letters in the baby's room.

But then, baby writhes in the crib. Baby won't sleep. Baby cries. And cries, and cries, and cries. Until one thing leads to another and ... the parents give up. The parents bring baby into the bed, and they all end up sleeping together.

Co-sleeping, in fact, to use modern, politically correct parenting terminology.

"We didn't know we'd be co-sleepers," says Bryan Sinclair, a Woodside parent whose daughter Ally, now 31/2, was more comfortable as an infant sleeping in the big bed with Sinclair and wife Jeanette. "It was only later that I found out, oh, there's a name for this."

While co-sleeping isn't new -- other cultures embrace it as a natural element of parenthood -- it's only recentlygained acceptance in America. That is, until the American Academy of Pediatrics issued its new Sudden Infant Death Syndrome preventative recommendations last month skewering the practice.

In its release, the AAP went out of its way to not only reinforce its recommendation of having infants lie on their backs while they sleep, but to staunchly advise against bed sharing.

"Infants may be brought into bed for nursing or comforting, but should be returned to their own crib or bassinet when the parent is ready to return to sleep," the AAP wrote in its Oct. 10 press release. "However, there is growing evidence that room sharing (infants sleeping in a crib in parent's bedroom) is associated with a reduced risk of SIDS. The AAP recommends a separate but proximate sleeping environment."

The statement also specified that a pacifier -- that ubiquitous "binky" -- should be used to prevent SIDS.

While the threat of SIDS is very real, and very scary -- no one knows exactly what causes an infant, usually 1 year and younger, to die from the syndrome -- co-sleeping parent after co-sleeping parent echo Sinclair when he nods gravely, but shrugs.

"There was no other way," he says.

Not all parents of co-sleeping infants begin sharing a bed simply out of frustration. Some parents, who point out that American culture is one of the few that frowns upon infants sleeping with their parents, co-sleep simply because they believe in its benefits of raising a stable, well-adjusted child.

The Holistic Pediatric Association, for example, cites studies that co-sleeping (as long as it's practiced by parents who have not drunk alcohol or used drugs before conking out) helps infants, who have immature nervous systems, learn to self-regulate during sleep and that the practice may help prevent SIDS by keeping the infant from entering into sleep states that are too deep. The parents' breathing may also, says the HPA, help "remind" infants to breathe.

Co-sleeping, adds the HPA, not only helps parents and infants to sleep better -- it increases instances of breast-feeding. Basically, it's easier to do if baby's already in bed with mom.

"The breast-feeding community in general finds the new guidelines disturbing," says Paulette Avery, a certified lactation consultant and nurse at Oakland Kaiser. "They tell parents to use a pacifier as if it's better than breast-feeding. If suckling is what's helpful in preventing SIDS, then it makes sense that suckling on a breast is much better. Babies breast-feed for lots of reasons besides food."

Parents who've opted to co-sleep also speak of the bond that develops with their child. Kyrina Johnson, who lives in Manteca, is the stay-at-home mother of a 2-year-old boy, Lyzander, who has slept with her and her husband, Robert, since birth. The family started co- sleeping because it made breast-feeding easier, but it evolved into something much more for Johnson: a healthy breaking of boundaries.

"I understand that Americans like to place their children in a constant protective bubble, but I don't think that safety space is necessarily beneficial," Johnson says. "I know parents who carried their children for months on end in those carriers that go from car seat to stroller to the folding attachment thing in restaurants. Their children have never had a chance to smell their parents' breath or hear their heartbeat. This is tangential, but it's very much linked to the phenomenon of sleeping away from our babies."

Of course, even though co-sleeping is often thought of as natural -- the "look at the other mammals" debate -- sometimes it doesn't come naturally to humans.

Bethany Meyer, an Oakland mother, tried co-sleeping with her now 21/2-year-old son Joey because he wouldn't lie in his crib for 10 minutes without crying. But her fear of rolling over on him was, at first, paralyzing. But after spending a month of sleeping with the light on, Meyer finally realized that she was as likely to roll over her child as she was to roll out of bed onto the floor. Since then, she says, co-sleeping has

been a dream.

"I think I got more sleep than most new moms once we started co- sleeping, and it lessened the strain that sleepless nights were causing on my marriage," Meyer says. "We finally just gave Joey's crib away. We don't need it! Though it was handy as a very large clothes hamper."

Fathers, too, are a whole other matter. Since fathers obviously don't breast-feed, the purpose of co-sleeping is sometimes elusive.

Bob Price, a father of three, never questioned the fact that babies should sleep in their own crib, and he raised his first two children that way. But in his second marriage, though, his thinking changed.

"My third child's mother grew up in the Philippines, where it's a given that the infant, and even the older children, sleep with their parents," says Price, who lives in San Leandro. "When our son was born, there was no question about how he was to sleep. For me, it was an eye-opener. But it was so obvious. Look at all other mammals, look at all other cultures. Children belong with their mothers."

Still, the debate rages. While lactation consultants like Avery, at Kaiser Oakland, basically don't address the issue of co-sleeping unless asked by a patient, some pediatricians allow that what works for some may or may not work for others.

Dr. James McKenna, for example, a well-respected pediatrician from Notre Dame and an expert in infant sleep, is a co-sleeping proponent.

On the other hand, Fremont nurse Ginny Whiteside thinks that co- sleeping should be avoided for the overall health of a family. She came to that conclusion not only by outside research, but by at- home experience. Whiteside tried co-sleeping with her child, now 3, for 21/2 months before giving up. Chronically disturbed nights and uncomfortable sleeping positions had driven her, and her child, to exhaustion. She vowed to do differently with her second child.

"Clearing out overstuffed bedding and pillows and not consuming drugs or alcohol can enable you to sleep safely with your child -- but don't you and your child deserve more than that?" asks Whiteside. "You can never get too much sleep during this period. A well-rested child is more alert, less fussy and sleeps better. When my son was born a year ago, he went straight into the bassinet. We all sleep great, no aches and pains, and we don't disturb each other moving around. And my children and I are very well-bonded."

Contact Candace Murphy at cmurphy@angnewspapers.com or call (925) 416-4814.

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