Scarlet fever

As anyone who holds sacred the First Amendment should be, I was baffled and disappointed by a recent court decision that the forthcoming parody of Gone With The Wind was in violation of copyright infringement laws.

So, in support of Alice Randall, the author of The Wind Done Gone, and by virtue of the fact that this year's Supercomm could be the last one held in Atlanta, the setting for Margaret Mitchell's classic, I thought I'd stage a little retelling of the Civil War epic myself.

TITLE The Money Done Gone

SETTING A desolate World Congress Center in the heart of Atlanta. Ravaged by months of hardship at the hands of ruthless venture capitalists, bankrupt service providers and mean-spirited investors, dozens of optical equipment manufacturers make one last attempt to restore the industry to its former glory.

THE PLAYERS

Scarlet Optical: A proud and resourceful optical startup that refuses to surrender its dreams despite the fact that it has no money in the bank, headhunters have ravaged its engineering talent pool and corporate headquarters have been relocated to a Taco Bell in Cupertino, Calif. Fueled by hatred for incumbent carriers and federal regulators, Scarlet works feverishly to transform its technology into a viable product. Subsisting on a steady diet of chalupas and chips, Scarlet scales back its product plans by turning the Tara-100 into the Tara-50 and replacing the words "new carriers" with "incumbents" in the company's product literature.

*Scarlet's most memorable scene: Scarlet's CEO strangles an innocent but clumsy fast-food patron who unintentionally drips taco sauce into a prototype of the Tara-50, setting back production schedules by weeks.

Rhett Networks: A giant, arrogant networking firm that has recently stumbled but is still hanging on by selling off its non-optical networking division. Desperate for innovative products like the Tara-50, Rhett makes Scarlet a takeover offer that it can't afford to refuse. Despite agreeing to the arrangement, Scarlet's heart is never really into the merger and the company's production team is unable to successfully integrate the Tara-50 into Rhett's product portfolio.

*Rhett's most memorable scene: Rhett declares to unconvinced press that the Tara-50 project is on schedule and nearly ready for deployment, only to announce the scrapping of the project two weeks later.

General Sherman: A ruthless and cunning venture capitalist who has a habit of refusing to commit to later-round funding after bankrolling dozens of startups with questionable business plans.

*Sherman's most memorable scene: Writes $40 million check to 30-ish "entrepreneur" who bases design for next-gen optical switch on bamboo and coconut contraption the Professor put together to generate electricity in an early episode of Gilligan's Island. Deal is cemented when actress that played Maryann agrees to appear at Optical Fiber Conference.

CONCLUSION While the optical industry will never be restored to its antebellum glory, a financial recovery of sorts is on the horizon. After Rhett dumps most of the employees from the payroll, Scarlet's CEO hooks up with a Silicon Valley veteran with fistfuls of fresh ideas.

Curtain closes with Scarlet's CEO entering office of VC with new partner, who happens to look quite a bit like the actress who played Maryann on Gilligan's Island.

Copyright © 2004 Ziff Davis Media Inc. All Rights Reserved. Originally appearing in The Net Economy.