Dear Dr. E,
I recently met a married man who says he's getting a divorce, so we started having fun physically. My friends say he's probably lying, but my intuition tells me he's honest and that patience will pay off. Can you give me some direction?
PBZ, via e-mail
Dear PBZ,
My intuition says he's probably lying. Perhaps, though, we should each put intuition aside and think. Is what you're doing right? Might your behavior have negative consequences? If your relationship with him is meant to be, couldn't it wait until after the divorce?
Dear Dr. E,
I can't remember my dreams. Am I trying to flee from my desires?
G, New York, NY
Dear G,
Research suggests that the main purpose of dreams is to help us resolve our conflicts. Fortunately, we don't need to remember them to reap their benefits. If, however, you want to learn how to remember your dreams, books like Teach Yourself to Dream, by David Fontana, Ph.D., can help. Pleasant dreams.
Dear Dr. E,
I'm 23, and I recently ended a three-year relationship with my boyfriend. So many hurtful things were said and done while we were together that I just couldn't continue. How can I get over my hurt so that I can have a healthy relationship with another guy?
D, Los Angeles
Dear D,
Time will probably help, and so will an understanding new partner. If you don't seem to be making progress, consider consulting a therapist. You can find skilled therapists through the associations listed at right or through online directories, such as the new one at www.psychologytoday.com.
Dear Dr. E,
My child suffers from a condition called "selective mutism," which means she only talks when she wants to. Where can I get more information about this condition, and how can I help her?
EH, via e-mail
Dear EH,
Selective mutism is an anxiety disorder that is usually specific to certain settings, such as a school classroom. For more information, see www.selectivemutism.org, or check out books such as Easing School Jitters for the Selectively Mute Child, by Elisa Shipon-Blum, D.O. Lessening a child's anxiety is the key to treatment.
Dear Dr. E,
I'm straight, but I enjoy it more when a man performs oral sex on me than when a woman does. I don't reciprocate. Does this mean I'm actually gay?
E, via e-mail
Dear E,
The "gay" and "straight" labels sometimes cause more problems than they solve. You were probably doing fine until you felt the need to classify yourself. Nature gives us black and white, but it also gives us an infinite array of colors. Stop trying to fit yourself into a box.
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