Valtrex

I've had six sexual partners in my life, and one of them gave me genital herpes. Now I'm about to start a relationship with a new man. How should I tell him about my condition?

Beginning a conversation about herpes, or any sexually transmitted infection, can be difficult. You may feel embarrassed and fearful of how your new partner will react to the news. But it's best to be honest about your sexual history in order to build a trusting relationship.

Sexually transmitted infections are common. Having one does not mean that a woman is promiscuous or a "bad" girl. It takes only one intimate encounter with one partner to become infected, and herpes can be transmitted through skin-to-skin contact alone. You have done nothing wrong, and there's no reason to feel guilty or embarrassed.

Your sex talk should happen well before you become intimate. Waiting until things are hot and heavy will make it harder to think clearly, and you may be tempted to forgo the conversation altogether. Pick a time when the two of you can be alone and comfortable.

Prepare by learning as much as you can about herpes, then present the information to your partner in a calm, straightforward way. Because herpes is so common--one in every four women is infected with the virus that causes genital herpes chances are good that your partner has had this discussion before.

Tell your partner that having herpes doesn't have to stand in the way of a satisfying sex life. You simply need to follow the rules: Never have sex--oral, anal or vaginal if there are signs that an outbreak is coming, such as itching or burning, or when you have obvious herpes lesions or sores. Between outbreaks, use a condom every time you have sex. Condoms don't offer total protection, but can decrease the chance that the virus will be transmitted.

Though there's no cure for herpes, medication can prevent outbreaks or shorten their duration. The prescription drug Valtrex, which was approved by the Food and Drug Administration last year, can help prevent the spread of genital herpes to your partner.

Most likely your new love will take this information in stride. But if at the end d your conversation he walks away, the relationship was not worth your emotional energy anyway.

Is there anything natural I can use to increase my sex drive?

Visit a health food store and you will find numerous herbs that purport to ignite the flames of passion: Garlic, ginseng, horny goat weed and fenugreek have been used for centuries to boost sexual function. Women have also used an herb called damiana as a sexual tonic, as well as muira puama, which is a Brazilian herb.

To create more heat between the sheets, you may want to try one of the new herbal aphrodisiacs on the market. The latest combine multiple herbs rather than containing just one ArginMax, for example, contains ginseng, ginkgo, damiana, minerals and vitamins. In a study published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, 71 percent of women taking it experienced an increase in sexual desire. Be aware that herbs are strong medicine, and natural does not necessarily mean safe, Consult an herbalist before trying any of these substances,

No herb in the world will whet your sexual appetite if you don't like your partner or if the sex is bad. But with an interesting and interested partner. fantasy and creativity in the bedroom, you'll have the makings of an incredible love potion and some really hot sex.

Happy lovemaking!

Hilda Hutcherson, M.D., is the author of What Your Mother Never Told You About S-e-x (Perigee).

Have a sexual health question? Write to Sexual Matters, ESSENCE, 1500 Broadway, New York NY 10036.

COPYRIGHT 2004 Essence Communications, Inc.
COPYRIGHT 2004 Gale Group